Story time.

 'People create stories create people; or rather stories create people create stories.' - Chinua Achebe. (R.I.P)

I promised myself that giving up twitter would mean more writing  I have actually kept that up. The only problem is I haven't been able to share my work. This has been for different reasons and yet none whatsoever. (This all makes sense to me, so forgive me if you are confused.)

Anyways, school's out, and exams are fast approaching and I'm doing everything in my power to avoid actually doing work. But that's not what brings me here, believe it or not, I sometimes feel writing is work and i prefer to perform. I remember starting out this year intensely gassed about the opportunities and stuff I had lined up... and they are still there. Just my enthusiasm has been curbed by reality and well frankly now I've just been waiting for things to  happen.

I have all been waiting for 'time', when in fact time is running from me. I know I know, we're all bored of he whole 'time is of the essence' speech, but really and truly we never should be. It took the death of a great writer to remind me that I too wanted to be a writer. I mean I am a writer, I'm not sure what level, I'm not even sure who my audience is, but I am a writer. I have started writing, but what happens when I'm done with this book? and the next? You see, to be as great as Achebe, I need to do more than just write. I need to put myself out there and quite frankly, there's no better 'time' than NOW.

My problem? Procrastination! You've read this somewhere before? We all have, but what do we do after? Just sit back and say '5 more minutes'. I'm not trying to force you out of this habit, Lord knows I didn't drag you into it. But I want you to know that the reason things aren't happening to you, is cos your'e not happening to things. Be places, speak to people trust me, opportunities will come faster than expected.

I recently decided I wanted to teach and well, I got a couple of thumbs ups, and go for it's but the confirmation was when I put my C.V online and I got offered a teaching job (no experience yet) along with approaches from tutoring agencies. This isn't me trying to brag, if anything, I was shocked! It's just giving an example of doing something to do more.

I may not die as great as Achebe, I may die even greater, but I know not doing anything means I won't be remembered beyond those I've met and that is NOT what I desire. My story and my person are yet to be created.

Hows!?

These are just a couple of the questions I ask myself...

How do you forget someone that wasn't even there?
How do you fake interest, when you truly don't care.
Well it's not that you don't, it's just you don't want to.
And the harder you try not to, the more you actually do.

How do you hold on to what never did exist.
How do you fight feelings and uphold an emotional resist.
It's not that you don't want to, It's just it's not right that you do.
And the harder you fight it, the more you want it too.

How do you convince yourself that it's for the best, when it's clear that you're in pain?
How do you psyche yourself that it's only ever positive and get back on your feet again.
It's not that you can't, it's just that it's too hard to.
And the harder to try, the more difficult its gets too.

How do you prepare yourself for an unexpected event?
How do you an foresee an unfortunate experience or prevent?
It's not even possible, A thing man can't do
When the future is of what he has no clue.


How?

© Toni Peters

The Enigmatic Truth

Words are words

A picture says a thousand words

so what then does a short film say?

I have the pleasure of personally knowing the people in this movie and well I don't want to drop my biased opinion so I'll leave you to be the judge of it.... but trust me... IT'S WORTH IT!!!

Enjoy

Raw: Dark hole.

Raw in the sense that it comes straight from the heart... NO FILTER. What goes on in m head/heart.

ENJOY!!!!

...

Silence as you unleashed the beast that you call passion

I would sit and listen in awe

You'd teach and then send samples and share stories too

I would simply adore.

I was rough and wry, and a little damaged

but you provided that healing supply

As I've never been one to say it how it is

I just usually go with the flow

But with you, it was different, you brought out the best

and removed me from that dark hole.

Tears.

Anger.

Pain.

I run away from the world as nothing is the same

It's different without you,

Everyday...

A new challenge

I try even harder to move on.

But I see you in my sleep

and even worse, in my daily activities

Leave me please

Is it not enough that my heart you have seized

I'm running again, this time towards you

I don't even realise till I'm at your door

Face front with rejection like I'm asking for more.

I'm weak in yearning for you and your love

I want that and more, I want your touch

But I know I can't so I just turn away, 

And walk back to my little dark hole.

Now I'm jealous of what I don't even know

and my eyes are simply on fire.

Breathing is difficult

and Hating seems best

but I give you more time, like you're under a test

and convince myself that I like you much less

But I can't so I get bitter and cold

and the next best option is to avoid

So I'm sly in my ways 

and I'm playing it 'lowkey'

but you still seem to be everywhere I go

so I'm packing my bags and running again back into that dark hole.

Are you trying to hurt me?

Do you thrive off my pain?

Do my utter discomfort and sorrow bring you joy?

Or am just a project, a future referral
Why do I feel like this was all just one game

I refuse to believe this, based on what you told me

or tell me were those simply just lies

To please me?

Cos you didn't. You only worsened the situation

and now I wear my emotions in disguise

Pretending I’m fine

When I'm aching within

My heart... bleeding

From the piercing you gave.

I'll survive...

But with a big dark hole in it.

Excuse my odd moods,

It's just me recovering

And pardon me, for be upset you moved on

A couple months later, I'm more than forgotten

and there's no point in trying to hold on.

I had hope for the future

I'm sorry you didn't

I wanted more than I could chew

Or maybe I didn't, I just wanted pure joy

And that seemed to come with you.

Now I can't have that, 

Someone else can.

And my pain goes deep

Deep into that dark hole.

© Toni Peters

New-Old Post.

Exams are FINALLY over!!! Whoop!!

My brain is STILL recovering from the treacherous knowledge rape it faced but hey, we're surviving. A good weekend with the loved ones and more and now the dreaded lectures resume.

Overall.. it's been a stressful month, for more than 5 different reasons... but there's ALWAYS been a reason to smile.

Writing has been somewhat of a myth but I have an old post for you guys...

Sexes backwards is sexes. ©

You say I can’t play coz I am a girl,
You say you won’t cook because you’re a man.
You say I should stay at home coz I am a wife.
You say you can do anything a woman can.

You justify your lateness because your a female.
You show no emotion in guard of masculinity,
You  suffer your feet just to pass as a lady.
You use your male instincts to vindicate promiscuity

If we do the opposite of these actions
Does that make us men?
If we act as they desire,
Surely we’ll appear to be women

As the power struggle worsens out,
The end result perplexes.
But from above we seem to see, that
Sexes backwards is Sexes.