The light.

I had a random thought this morning...

'If I commit suicide, will people see me as selfish?'

Will they say things like, 'nothing seemed like it was wrong.' or 'She was happy, I don't know why she could've done it.'

Sometimes, us 'friends' are the selfish ones. You never take time to see past your problems and ask what was going on with them. You fail to see the fake smiles and cried out eyes. You made them feel invisible. 

Take for instance my blog. Most of my poems are reflections of my inside. In that they are my feelings in words. Or an exaggeration. I've read back on a few and thought... 'Damn, gurl, you were in a dark place.'
But no one knew this. Why, because the people that checked the blog weren't looking for that, and the people who could see it, weren't checking the blog.

I often hear 'I was with him/her a couple of days ago, I couldn't have seen it coming.'

You might've been with, but were you there for? Although our presence can be uplifting, it's momentarily. Our impact is what goes on. 

I'm not suicidal. Yes I have problems, but nothing to cause me to take my own life. I love it, my family and God too much for that. However, some people get these thoughts, and before you believe it, act on them. So stop and say a prayer, call someone, visit some one, buy them a drink, take them out for a meal. Don't just exist, be there for them.

Sometimes people tell me, 'oh Toni, you know everybody.' 'You talk to everybody', 'Everybody is your friend.' It might be why I'm yet to know anyone who has thought suicide was the solution. I'm not the world's best comforter, but heck I'll make the best darn effort to make you comfortable. 

Don't EVER feel like suicide is the way out. It NEVER is. I will talk to you. I'll be your friend. When you're standing in the shadows, tap me and I'll share my light, I'll share Jesus with you.

Job 33:28 - He  redeemed my soul from going down the pit, and I will live to enjoy his light.

Read Job's story, he had it bad, and this is what he had to say about God. Have faith in this verse. Call God out on it. I promise you, YOU WE will make it through.

This is a thank you to all the people that have been there for me over the past few months. You are my light from God.