To come of age...: The Wallflower in me

Today I saw a rainbow!
I love rainbows, they are so beautiful. I'm still trying to figure out which makes me happier,  a rainbow or sunset. They each have their own glorious beauty.

 The rainbow curve detailed in the sky so beautiful, I stared out my window and wrote a beautiful poem called... 

You'll find out soon. 

But for now, I have a 3 part piece... all hopefully to be put up this week as I back from my hiatus. 

Part one, a piece written by a friend of mine. He's new to this writing thing, but I don't believe! Hope you enjoy this. And give feedbaaaacccckkkk!!!! 

Apology x

I owe someone an apology and it's just dawning upon me.

All this while I believed the problem was you,
I'd erased from my mind what in fact was true,
That I'd been the one who had actually messed up
And now I was suffering an empty love
I was ignorant mainly in denial
Nd still under belief that we could give things a trial
But my actions were enough to send you away
And now I finally get it

At that point your trust was already minimal,
And I thrashed it to a greater degree.
And I know you might argue otherwise
But that's how it's revealed itself to me.
Nd for this reason I'm taking this opportunity
To apologise... I'm sorry.

Late love

I fell over in love a little to late, and now I'm wondering why.
Why I never took the chance, when I best believed it there. Why I ignored my heart and believed I didn't care. Why I told things about me, but my secrets I never did share and now I'm thinking back in my life.

I fell in love a moment to late for in my mind we should actually be. But I was battling with my inner self and  trying to convince poor old me. That you weren't what I wanted, we just wouldn't be right, but we got on so well, nd things might've been perfect, but I chose to knock that out if sight.

I fell in love, a person too late and now I'm green all over. I was so sure that she, would never take that spot yet I constantly see you together. I should've known not to wait, but I thought I knew best. I thought that time wasting, would put you to the test. So I'm psyching myself that she's just a guest and I'm the permanent resident of your heart.

I've fallen in love and it's just not right, in time or person or place.
And I hurt with anger, jealousy and regret as I see joy upon your face.
But I wish you the best and refrain from sabotage and I sit in the corner clutching my heart.

Waffles 'n' Cream!!!

Haha.. no guys this is not a fatty food post.
This is a fashion feature!!

Clothing line WAFFLES.N.CREAM are back with a new summer 2013 lookbook.

Yes, 'CRACK IS WACK' is back and  looking rather dope might I add.

Check it out guys.... WAFFLESNCREAM

I'm so excited!! Considering a wardrobe changeover coming soon, a feature from this line MUST be included!!
I wouldn't recommend what I wouldn't wear.

ENJOY

Having once loved.

Having once loved...

The hardest part of having once loved is having to to stop loving completely. 

What we loved most about the other becomes what we hate in another. 

Shared interest become painful reminders and we therefore cut these loose. 

Thus in losing a person in love, we lose a part of our personalities.

So do we save those we love or save ourselves in trying?

Or are we all for the better in giving up and dying in love with it a loveless personality.

The hardest part of having once loved, is having to watch the other move on.

What we loved most about the other, is now treasured by another.Shared interest become a three-way and therefore we cut these loose.

Thus in losing a person, we lose a potential friend

So do we save ourselves for them or make a couple less

Or are all for the better in giving up and sticking with our best who love us regardless.

The hardest part of having once loved, is having to have strength yourself.

What we loved most about the other, is taken away and we are left less than before
Shared interest become a weakness bestowed upon us and therefore we cut loose.

Thus in losing a person in love, we lose a part of our strength

So do we save our strength or become weak in trying?

Or are we all for the better in giving up and failing in a new love thats weak from the past.

The hardest part of having once loved, is no one will ever relate.

What we loved most about the other, is blind to their eye

Shared interest become weird habits to you alone and therefore we cut loose.

Thus in losing a person in love, we lose ourselves to a lonely land

So do we save our sanity or become insane in love?

Or are we all for the better in giving up and staying with the rest of the world?

                                 ©

Story time.

 'People create stories create people; or rather stories create people create stories.' - Chinua Achebe. (R.I.P)

I promised myself that giving up twitter would mean more writing  I have actually kept that up. The only problem is I haven't been able to share my work. This has been for different reasons and yet none whatsoever. (This all makes sense to me, so forgive me if you are confused.)

Anyways, school's out, and exams are fast approaching and I'm doing everything in my power to avoid actually doing work. But that's not what brings me here, believe it or not, I sometimes feel writing is work and i prefer to perform. I remember starting out this year intensely gassed about the opportunities and stuff I had lined up... and they are still there. Just my enthusiasm has been curbed by reality and well frankly now I've just been waiting for things to  happen.

I have all been waiting for 'time', when in fact time is running from me. I know I know, we're all bored of he whole 'time is of the essence' speech, but really and truly we never should be. It took the death of a great writer to remind me that I too wanted to be a writer. I mean I am a writer, I'm not sure what level, I'm not even sure who my audience is, but I am a writer. I have started writing, but what happens when I'm done with this book? and the next? You see, to be as great as Achebe, I need to do more than just write. I need to put myself out there and quite frankly, there's no better 'time' than NOW.

My problem? Procrastination! You've read this somewhere before? We all have, but what do we do after? Just sit back and say '5 more minutes'. I'm not trying to force you out of this habit, Lord knows I didn't drag you into it. But I want you to know that the reason things aren't happening to you, is cos your'e not happening to things. Be places, speak to people trust me, opportunities will come faster than expected.

I recently decided I wanted to teach and well, I got a couple of thumbs ups, and go for it's but the confirmation was when I put my C.V online and I got offered a teaching job (no experience yet) along with approaches from tutoring agencies. This isn't me trying to brag, if anything, I was shocked! It's just giving an example of doing something to do more.

I may not die as great as Achebe, I may die even greater, but I know not doing anything means I won't be remembered beyond those I've met and that is NOT what I desire. My story and my person are yet to be created.

Hows!?

These are just a couple of the questions I ask myself...

How do you forget someone that wasn't even there?
How do you fake interest, when you truly don't care.
Well it's not that you don't, it's just you don't want to.
And the harder you try not to, the more you actually do.

How do you hold on to what never did exist.
How do you fight feelings and uphold an emotional resist.
It's not that you don't want to, It's just it's not right that you do.
And the harder you fight it, the more you want it too.

How do you convince yourself that it's for the best, when it's clear that you're in pain?
How do you psyche yourself that it's only ever positive and get back on your feet again.
It's not that you can't, it's just that it's too hard to.
And the harder to try, the more difficult its gets too.

How do you prepare yourself for an unexpected event?
How do you an foresee an unfortunate experience or prevent?
It's not even possible, A thing man can't do
When the future is of what he has no clue.


How?

© Toni Peters

The Enigmatic Truth

Words are words

A picture says a thousand words

so what then does a short film say?

I have the pleasure of personally knowing the people in this movie and well I don't want to drop my biased opinion so I'll leave you to be the judge of it.... but trust me... IT'S WORTH IT!!!

Enjoy

Raw: Dark hole.

Raw in the sense that it comes straight from the heart... NO FILTER. What goes on in m head/heart.

ENJOY!!!!

...

Silence as you unleashed the beast that you call passion

I would sit and listen in awe

You'd teach and then send samples and share stories too

I would simply adore.

I was rough and wry, and a little damaged

but you provided that healing supply

As I've never been one to say it how it is

I just usually go with the flow

But with you, it was different, you brought out the best

and removed me from that dark hole.

Tears.

Anger.

Pain.

I run away from the world as nothing is the same

It's different without you,

Everyday...

A new challenge

I try even harder to move on.

But I see you in my sleep

and even worse, in my daily activities

Leave me please

Is it not enough that my heart you have seized

I'm running again, this time towards you

I don't even realise till I'm at your door

Face front with rejection like I'm asking for more.

I'm weak in yearning for you and your love

I want that and more, I want your touch

But I know I can't so I just turn away, 

And walk back to my little dark hole.

Now I'm jealous of what I don't even know

and my eyes are simply on fire.

Breathing is difficult

and Hating seems best

but I give you more time, like you're under a test

and convince myself that I like you much less

But I can't so I get bitter and cold

and the next best option is to avoid

So I'm sly in my ways 

and I'm playing it 'lowkey'

but you still seem to be everywhere I go

so I'm packing my bags and running again back into that dark hole.

Are you trying to hurt me?

Do you thrive off my pain?

Do my utter discomfort and sorrow bring you joy?

Or am just a project, a future referral
Why do I feel like this was all just one game

I refuse to believe this, based on what you told me

or tell me were those simply just lies

To please me?

Cos you didn't. You only worsened the situation

and now I wear my emotions in disguise

Pretending I’m fine

When I'm aching within

My heart... bleeding

From the piercing you gave.

I'll survive...

But with a big dark hole in it.

Excuse my odd moods,

It's just me recovering

And pardon me, for be upset you moved on

A couple months later, I'm more than forgotten

and there's no point in trying to hold on.

I had hope for the future

I'm sorry you didn't

I wanted more than I could chew

Or maybe I didn't, I just wanted pure joy

And that seemed to come with you.

Now I can't have that, 

Someone else can.

And my pain goes deep

Deep into that dark hole.

© Toni Peters

New-Old Post.

Exams are FINALLY over!!! Whoop!!

My brain is STILL recovering from the treacherous knowledge rape it faced but hey, we're surviving. A good weekend with the loved ones and more and now the dreaded lectures resume.

Overall.. it's been a stressful month, for more than 5 different reasons... but there's ALWAYS been a reason to smile.

Writing has been somewhat of a myth but I have an old post for you guys...

Sexes backwards is sexes. ©

You say I can’t play coz I am a girl,
You say you won’t cook because you’re a man.
You say I should stay at home coz I am a wife.
You say you can do anything a woman can.

You justify your lateness because your a female.
You show no emotion in guard of masculinity,
You  suffer your feet just to pass as a lady.
You use your male instincts to vindicate promiscuity

If we do the opposite of these actions
Does that make us men?
If we act as they desire,
Surely we’ll appear to be women

As the power struggle worsens out,
The end result perplexes.
But from above we seem to see, that
Sexes backwards is Sexes.

'He said, She said........Goodbye'

A little fun thing a friend and I worked on....it's two goodbye poems fused.... His name is Oyin Ogunkanmin (@Oyin23 on twitter) and I LOVE his work... Check out al his published ones so far here: Word Artist 92 .

Anyways, the fact that we had no idea what the other was writing made it extremely exciting!! Personally, I loved how it turned out.. but you guys should lemme know how you feel too..

So here it is...

He said, She said……………Goodbye

He said:

My modus operandi, I flash a smile, I care and my words are true

Big mistake, she’s not used to this, waves goodbye, arriverderci

Floods of emotion are held behind a dam of cold hard eyes

“It’s a fool proof method, my coping mechanism, don’t you agree?”

It is often said that actions speak louder than words

And the reality is that these actions hurt much more than words

This she has experienced, She just won’t trust, she has a tough hard exterior.

That's ok I understand your pain, you’ve been hurt so this facade is now your armour

They tell me “be what she had hoped you would be, stop, wait and listen”

But all she knows is that there are too many wolves in sheep’s clothing

I’ve tried but even when I tell you that you are the one for me

All that I can see in your eyes is a nagging doubt, Mon Cherie

Try as you may you cannot shake this feeling of sadness

The time has come to say that routine goodbye; romantic madness, a senseless au revoir

Tell me what has changed in you, because I feel the dreadful presence of déjà vu,

To me this goodbye is an excuse for you to run back to the heartbreaker

His ill treatment and danger, your intoxicating addiction, you are now a serial offender

It makes no sense, you want to feel safe and not shed tears from your beautiful eyes

But yet for no reason you choose that word to say: adieu, goodbye

Then She said:

There was nothing good about our love but it hurt to let you go.
Guess that gaga feeling, bad romance is  a feeling I now know.
You never made me feel complete but your absence made my heart deplete

 and sorrow is all it seems to bear

as you really are no longer there.
I still question the actual cause of our unexpected separation. We were good together, but fate didn't accept, and thought divided we'd be better.
So away we went without discussing what would happen the day that you and I should coincide by fate and meet along the way.
I've found it hard to feel that way about any other person, then I see you happy, and moved on well and your mind free of any burden.
It pains to know I could never bring smiles, towards your face. Mere bants and jokes is as far as I got in meeting your taste.
I don't still love you, the way I did, and I doubt I'd ever go back.
But did you really love me that way too, tell me lies or fact.
We're over now in all types of ways and it’s hard to be your friend, so this is my goodbye adios farewell
We've come to a peaceful end. 

©