*SMILE*
I live in London.. one of the busiest and most popular cities in the world. I have done so for nearly 20 years.. (give or take the six I spent in Nigeria), and I have never felt welcome... weird right? You know why? Because people don't smile.
You know when you go to someone's house and they open the door. If they don't smile you instantly feel that your presence is not valued. You spend your whole time there on edge, that's if you don't try to leave as stylishly yet quickly as possible. Anyway, that's how I feel in London. Nobody smiles. I noticed this bitter attitude when I was younger and my siblings and I used to play 'sweet or sour', some of you may know this game, some might not. Basically the whole point is to smile at the person in the care beside you.. If they are smile back, they are sweet and you give them a thumbs up. If they don't reply, then they sour and it's thumbs down for them. Playing this game, we rarely ever gave a thumbs up.. why because people never smiled.
It really doesn't take much out of you to smile people. It makes you look good and feel good, you've got nothing to loose. You might not know how your smile will brighten up someone else's day!
Tuesday 31 May 2011
Old Loner
Her pillow was more than a ball of fluff,
He pillow was her, when nights got rough,
Her pillow assisted in keeping her tough,
Her pillow was her only friend.
Her sofa was more than a leather stand
Her sofa could literally hold her hand
Her sofa was all that could understand
Her sofa was her only friend
Her kitchen was more than a room full of food
Her kitchen, the only one who understood her mood,
Her kitchen was her very own neighbourhood,
Her kitchen was her only friend.
He pillow was her, when nights got rough,
Her pillow assisted in keeping her tough,
Her pillow was her only friend.
Her sofa was more than a leather stand
Her sofa could literally hold her hand
Her sofa was all that could understand
Her sofa was her only friend
Her kitchen was more than a room full of food
Her kitchen, the only one who understood her mood,
Her kitchen was her very own neighbourhood,
Her kitchen was her only friend.
She put a smile on and tried to pretend,
To the kitchen, the sofa her pillow those friends,
That she wasn't lonely, It wasn't the end.
But she knew she was lying.
To the kitchen, the sofa her pillow those friends,
That she wasn't lonely, It wasn't the end.
But she knew she was lying.
Saturday 28 May 2011
Love-Life
'I hate my life' & 'FML'. These are two statements I HATE!! I think every time someone uses them, they deserve a slap from God. Has he slapped you with Cancer? Has he slapped you with Poverty? Has he slapped you with a £1bn debt? So what do you have to hate about your life?
Let me tell you three stories, one is made up, one is over exaggerated and the other is pure truth (in no particular order though) :
Story one
There is this lady who has been happily married to her husband for 13 years. Now I know that may not seem like a long time for you, but it seems like eternity when your marriage is all you can speak for. Her parents are dead, so she could only ever lean on her husbands parents. With their good natured hearts, they cared for her like their own daughter even though she is unable to give them a grandchild. Unfortunately her mother-in-law died a couple of months ago. Herself and her husband aren't the richest and I know she had to borrow money to buy her ticket to Nigeria for the burial. On her arrival, she had to increase her shifts in order to pay back, bearing in mind she is simply an NHS nurse, so her pay isn't fantastic. A couple weeks after her return from the burial, her sister was diagnosed with cancer. within a week, her sister died. As you can imagine.. it was off to Nigeria.. Again. Yet every Sunday she bears a smile in the House of God. Do you think it easy for this woman to watch as her peers bring their offspring to church, as they brag about the success of their kids, as they celebrate the 70th birthday of a parent or as they announce a siblings engagement? No, its hard, yet FML or I Hate my life have never come out of her mouth.
Story two
Mary* is a 16 year old orphan. She was lucky to be taken into care buy a wonderful family at the age of four. However, when her foster mother died, things changed. Her foster Dad started drinking. He was in pain and that was how he dealt with it. She was only 12, but things had taken a turn. Her foster Dad began to hate her. One day he said to her.. 'You were her idea. you were just a replacement, you not my blood. I have no reason to care for you.' Mary knew she had no where to go so she endured the negligence. By the time Mary turned 14 she had suffered all sorts of abuse, sexual, physical and emotional. She knew she had to leave so she did. She returned to the home she was originally grew up in and they took her back. Months later she was diagnosed with HIV. She's only ever had sex with one person. Mary can never have kids. Mary may never enjoy sex. Mary is feared by the uneducated. Yet Mary has the warmest smile in the building and hates the term FML.
Story three
There is a girl who has it all. Wonderful family, wonderful boyfriend, standard University, standard job. This is how it appears on the outside. On the inside, her parents fight everyday. They resent each other, they only ever take their anger on each other out on her, in whichever way fits them. In comparison to her siblings, she is a failure. With her older sister a graduate from medical school and her younger brother on scholarship she attends a simple university studying a common course. Her boyfriend seems fine except he is never satisfied. Content with what he does for her, she strives to impress him. She may have a job, but that's to pay off the bills her parents ignore, or to buy things to avoid fights or to impress her boyfriend, but even still no one is satisfied with her job. As for friends, she has a lot who she cares for. However, hardly any care for her. Frequent when in need, yet out of sight when needed. As for her best friend, she's convinced she's sleeping with her boyfriend.. if not then they are sexting. Her family is in debt so she is constantly cash strapped and when she isn't she has little to spend on considering the attempted social life is restricted by her over protective father's rules. To top it all off, she is pregnant at 18, but her smile will light up the room and her absence will cause heartache.
You see, this is why I hate it. These three people are ALL worse off than me yet they can't use those statements. Yes they may all be girls, but guys have their go too. I mean, you're not impotent, you're not in capable of finding a girl. So why use 'fml' when you haven't done your coursework in time? Why hate your life because you finish your exams one week after everyone else? We really need to stop this and appreciate what we have in front of us, because some people would kill to have it, and if you hate your life, they may as well kill you! Be content and lets get rid of these stupid statements.. trust me, it helps in total happiness. I'm not the words most content character, and I know I can complain, but I HAVE NEVER, CAN NEVER and WILL NEVER use the terms 'I hate my life' or 'FML' and neither should you.
Let me tell you three stories, one is made up, one is over exaggerated and the other is pure truth (in no particular order though) :
Story one
There is this lady who has been happily married to her husband for 13 years. Now I know that may not seem like a long time for you, but it seems like eternity when your marriage is all you can speak for. Her parents are dead, so she could only ever lean on her husbands parents. With their good natured hearts, they cared for her like their own daughter even though she is unable to give them a grandchild. Unfortunately her mother-in-law died a couple of months ago. Herself and her husband aren't the richest and I know she had to borrow money to buy her ticket to Nigeria for the burial. On her arrival, she had to increase her shifts in order to pay back, bearing in mind she is simply an NHS nurse, so her pay isn't fantastic. A couple weeks after her return from the burial, her sister was diagnosed with cancer. within a week, her sister died. As you can imagine.. it was off to Nigeria.. Again. Yet every Sunday she bears a smile in the House of God. Do you think it easy for this woman to watch as her peers bring their offspring to church, as they brag about the success of their kids, as they celebrate the 70th birthday of a parent or as they announce a siblings engagement? No, its hard, yet FML or I Hate my life have never come out of her mouth.
Story two
Mary* is a 16 year old orphan. She was lucky to be taken into care buy a wonderful family at the age of four. However, when her foster mother died, things changed. Her foster Dad started drinking. He was in pain and that was how he dealt with it. She was only 12, but things had taken a turn. Her foster Dad began to hate her. One day he said to her.. 'You were her idea. you were just a replacement, you not my blood. I have no reason to care for you.' Mary knew she had no where to go so she endured the negligence. By the time Mary turned 14 she had suffered all sorts of abuse, sexual, physical and emotional. She knew she had to leave so she did. She returned to the home she was originally grew up in and they took her back. Months later she was diagnosed with HIV. She's only ever had sex with one person. Mary can never have kids. Mary may never enjoy sex. Mary is feared by the uneducated. Yet Mary has the warmest smile in the building and hates the term FML.
Story three
There is a girl who has it all. Wonderful family, wonderful boyfriend, standard University, standard job. This is how it appears on the outside. On the inside, her parents fight everyday. They resent each other, they only ever take their anger on each other out on her, in whichever way fits them. In comparison to her siblings, she is a failure. With her older sister a graduate from medical school and her younger brother on scholarship she attends a simple university studying a common course. Her boyfriend seems fine except he is never satisfied. Content with what he does for her, she strives to impress him. She may have a job, but that's to pay off the bills her parents ignore, or to buy things to avoid fights or to impress her boyfriend, but even still no one is satisfied with her job. As for friends, she has a lot who she cares for. However, hardly any care for her. Frequent when in need, yet out of sight when needed. As for her best friend, she's convinced she's sleeping with her boyfriend.. if not then they are sexting. Her family is in debt so she is constantly cash strapped and when she isn't she has little to spend on considering the attempted social life is restricted by her over protective father's rules. To top it all off, she is pregnant at 18, but her smile will light up the room and her absence will cause heartache.
You see, this is why I hate it. These three people are ALL worse off than me yet they can't use those statements. Yes they may all be girls, but guys have their go too. I mean, you're not impotent, you're not in capable of finding a girl. So why use 'fml' when you haven't done your coursework in time? Why hate your life because you finish your exams one week after everyone else? We really need to stop this and appreciate what we have in front of us, because some people would kill to have it, and if you hate your life, they may as well kill you! Be content and lets get rid of these stupid statements.. trust me, it helps in total happiness. I'm not the words most content character, and I know I can complain, but I HAVE NEVER, CAN NEVER and WILL NEVER use the terms 'I hate my life' or 'FML' and neither should you.
Tuesday 24 May 2011
Hold your head high.
Do not stand at my grave and weep; For I am not there I do not sleep.Mary Elizabeth Frye's Poem is probably one of the most common poems read at a funeral... why.. because it is so beautiful. It helps us to remember the strength the deceased individual possessed. It helps us gather strength when we think about their departing. Not a lot of people pay attention to the words of such poems, but I do. I didn't say it will dry tears, I didn't say it will replace them, but it will help.
Anyway, I read the poem every now and then because it's so close to my heart and yesterday when I read it, I decided to write my own. The problem was I couldn't. Not that I couldn't think of any words, but simply because I couldn't find the strength within me to write it. And then this came:
I am not strong, yet I bear a smile,
I am not weak, yet I cry
I do not bear the bravest front,
Yet I hold my head high when others die.
I'm cut deep within, I burn in pain,
My wounds are invisible to the human eye,
I wear spiritual plasters and carry on
I hold my head high when others die.
I think the thoughts of positivity,
I cannot promise I will not cry
I'll try my best to hold others up,
I'll hold my head high when others die.
I'll take control and weep in silence
I'll provide tissues for when friends cry,
I'll feed the family and inform friends
My head will be held high when others die.
But for me I will accept, behaviour of no such.
For my absence is no reason to cry.
We'll see each other soon one day
Please hold your head high, the day I die.
Monday 23 May 2011
Being sick...
Headache, Stomach ache, no taste, fatigue .. the list goes on.
Every year, I fall sick at least 3 times. There has only been one year in which I've not fallen sick.. and that was 2008. Every other year I've fall ill. This year I've been to hospital 3 times, I've missed about 2 weeks of Uni and I've spent more than 15 hours in bed at a go more than 5 times. I'm not a sickle cell, but there was a time in my life that people thought I was. I remember in year 7, I used to fall sick all the time. Teachers thought I used to fake it because I hadn't done my homework, 'Seniors' used to think I was lying in order to avoid being sent on errands, Classmates used to think I just wanted to sleep in the sick bay (medical room), but I was always sick. The annoying thing, I hate being sick.
One reason I hate being sick is because I used to LOVE food, but being sick means I loose my appetite, and with this constant loss of appetite, I began to stop liking food. There was this one summer, my mum managed to make me add a lot of weight, but ever since then, I haven't eaten so much. I enjoy cooking, but I hate eating and this is all as a result of being sick.
Another thing I hate about being sick is medicine. I hate medicine. I'd rather an injection over medicine and I'm not necessarily a fan of needles, but medicine is such a drag. I never had an issue with medicine originally, but whenever I was sick, I used to have to take 10 - 20 tablets 3 times a day. They used to get stuck in my throat, the taste was horrible and I always felt worse after.
No one ever understood these things, and people still don't. I remember in year 8, this boy used to call me sickie. The name stung. So I fought it off, I was determined never to fall sick...but it seems I can't control it.
I'm not seeking pity or anything, but I'm simply raising awareness. When people are sick, they aren't having fun. Don't make assumptions that they are lying, don't make them feel bad that they are sick and don't assume they are having fun.
I hate being sick....
Every year, I fall sick at least 3 times. There has only been one year in which I've not fallen sick.. and that was 2008. Every other year I've fall ill. This year I've been to hospital 3 times, I've missed about 2 weeks of Uni and I've spent more than 15 hours in bed at a go more than 5 times. I'm not a sickle cell, but there was a time in my life that people thought I was. I remember in year 7, I used to fall sick all the time. Teachers thought I used to fake it because I hadn't done my homework, 'Seniors' used to think I was lying in order to avoid being sent on errands, Classmates used to think I just wanted to sleep in the sick bay (medical room), but I was always sick. The annoying thing, I hate being sick.
One reason I hate being sick is because I used to LOVE food, but being sick means I loose my appetite, and with this constant loss of appetite, I began to stop liking food. There was this one summer, my mum managed to make me add a lot of weight, but ever since then, I haven't eaten so much. I enjoy cooking, but I hate eating and this is all as a result of being sick.
Another thing I hate about being sick is medicine. I hate medicine. I'd rather an injection over medicine and I'm not necessarily a fan of needles, but medicine is such a drag. I never had an issue with medicine originally, but whenever I was sick, I used to have to take 10 - 20 tablets 3 times a day. They used to get stuck in my throat, the taste was horrible and I always felt worse after.
No one ever understood these things, and people still don't. I remember in year 8, this boy used to call me sickie. The name stung. So I fought it off, I was determined never to fall sick...but it seems I can't control it.
I'm not seeking pity or anything, but I'm simply raising awareness. When people are sick, they aren't having fun. Don't make assumptions that they are lying, don't make them feel bad that they are sick and don't assume they are having fun.
I hate being sick....
Sunday 22 May 2011
Welcome to ToniVerse
Welcome to the danger zone, Step into the fantasy...You are now invited to the other side of Sanity..... ToniVerse!!
Okay, so I just stole Kanye West's line.. sue me!
For a number of you.. this is not the first time you've been to ToniVerse: http://toniverseacs.tumblr.com/
'The idea was along the lines of ' Toniverse' which would be a little mindplay. Poetry is your thing so the verse thing and it would also be like things from your own perspective. Your Universe ish. ' AND '"A complex simplicity"....I like the whole Irony in it... but then it doesn't give you much expectations... and if someone says they don't understand what my blog is about...well.. the topics are simple...it's just complex trying to relate them!'
Okay, so I just stole Kanye West's line.. sue me!
For a number of you.. this is not the first time you've been to ToniVerse: http://toniverseacs.tumblr.com/
So why have I created another one you ask? No, I'm not trying to saturate the blog world with ToniVerse on every possible blog site, don't worry.. I simply want a direct focus.
When I first started the blog, which took a couple of months, person that helped me out asked me.. What would your blog be centred on though? I replied: i 'm not too sure what it'll be centred on, I have a variety of interests, poetry,Movies, music,adverts life in general etc.
'The idea was along the lines of ' Toniverse' which would be a little mindplay. Poetry is your thing so the verse thing and it would also be like things from your own perspective. Your Universe ish. ' AND '"A complex simplicity"....
After much deliberation, we came up with ... So the blog needs no further explaining, as everything you need to know is here.
What did I do with my old blog you ask.. well find out yourself: http://toniverseacs.tumblr.com/
What did I do with my old blog you ask.. well find out yourself: http://toniverseacs.tumblr.com/
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