Expectations

• I want a guy who is taller than me when I wear heels.
• I want a guy who can sing.
• I want a guy who can rap.
• I want a guy who is good at sports/athletics.
• I want a guy who can dance.
• I want a guy who can cook.
• I want a good looking guy.
• I want a smart guy.
• I want a guy who is rich.
• I want a guy who has a goal in life.
• I want a guy who is funny.

Coolest Story Ever!!

Okay I lied in the title, but if I called it what I really wanted, then most of you wouldn't read... You'll probably be disgusted by the moistness of it, but I think a lot of people would benefit from it.... So.. here it goes...

Love is an ugly, terrible business practised by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake! 

 Or ...

Love isn't about ridiculous little words. Love is about grand gestures, Love is airplanes pulling banners over stadiums, proposals on jumbo-trons, giant words in sky writing. Love is about going that extra mile even if it hurts, letting it all hang out there. Love is about finding courage inside  of you that you didn't even know was there. 

Or ...

I guarantee that there'll be tough times; I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna wanna get out of this thing: But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life... because I know in my heart that you're only one for me. 

Or...

Love is like the wind... you can't see it, but you feel it.

Or... 

Love is that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the starts, over the fence, world series kinda stuff....

Or...


I could actually go on and on, with quotes from songs and movies and poems and plays and books and articles and speeches and proposals and whatnots, but that doesn't make a difference. Love is what ever you make of it, it's not something you can put a finger on. It's not something you see in the shop and point out to everyone. So when you say you're looking for love, 'the love that they have', you'll NEVER find it, because they've created what they have. They've taken their feelings and redesign it to suit their lifestyle, made it theirs. That's why it's their love. Love is NOT common thing, Love isn't the same for everyone, Love is not comparing others to you, Love is .....


I say I don't believe in love and maybe that's true, I mean I don't see myself abiding by those things I've said up there. What I believe is that love has no definition. Nobody knows what Love is, but we all know what it isn't. It's probably why people who say 'I'm looking for love' or 'I can't wait to fall in love' don't find or fall in love. 

My opinion, feel free to disagree... but yeah...
Another page from Toni's book.!!

xxx

Dying Love (Part 1)

Ah.. it's been a while since I put a pen to paper my fingers to keyboard, but for a number of reasons... Again... this is nothing personal... just observation and empathy...ENJOY!

TO A DYING LOVE;

A letter to a dying love, whose absence itself could kill.Who's moments are fading because she is ill,And her time on this earth; limited, yet it feels so surrealA letter to a dying love, here's exactly how I feel.

Every minute spent, like it's the final, like it's the last.

Reflecting on the future, because the future is now the past,

Our longest of  moments moving ever so fast,

The condition of my loved one is defined unsurpassed.

Sometimes I feel weak, so I run away from there

But the worry that, I'll wake up and she'll no longer be here

A life after love, it seems impossible to bear,

I just have to be strong, and show her I care.

I live to spend with you every nightfall, every dawn.

I've forgotten about the rest of the world, from them I have withdrawn

I wish your emotional strength would extend to your brawn

For I literally can't see beyond my life from you death and anything thereon.

FLASHBACK : 27TH FEB, 2011

I wrote this earlier on this year, and my view STILL hasn't changed just thought I'd bring it here for anyone who never got the chance to read...

So last week, I said something really random and in response, some guy said to me

‘that’s why you don’t have a boyfriend’.(I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE that line so much. What exactly does it imply?)
I went on to say..

‘Who says I want one’ 

and he replies

‘That’s what every single girl tricks herself into believing.. either she doesn’t want one or need one.’

That was the sentence that got me tickin. THE WORST BIT: Every guy there was like ‘I know right’ or ‘Truuueee’ or just a comment of agreement.

You boys need to understand that sometimes a girl just want to go out with her friends, meet people and not have to give a toss about ‘if he’ll be upset’ or ‘will this make him jealous’.
 Its why we have ladies night, not because we are ‘sad’ or  we ‘can’t get a man’.. because we genuinely do not want a man.

I hear boys so often say, relationships are ‘long’, ‘stressful’, ‘over-hyped’, ‘over-rated’ e.t.c the list goes on, and I’m sat there thinking.. Hold on a minute.. who says its easy for girls? Do you think stressing over a man is our idea of life?

And then when she gets hurt, she puts men on hold and you say ‘Not all men are the same.’ 

Its true, I agree, not all men are the same… some are worse, some are men with the mind of a boy, some are thoughtless, empty minded and shallow and others are just there.  I’m not trying to slag boys of, don’t get me wrong… I have a brother and my best friend is a guy and I think I have more guy friends than girl friends, but when guys say girls are ‘stingy’ they need to check its not them. 

I remember one day, a guy said to me ‘Virgins above 16 are stingy.’ (I know not all guys think this). I was shocked. That statement was full of greed. It fumed me, yet I managed to stay calm and say… ‘Stingy people always have a lot to give whenever they decide to.’

Boys be careful what you say around girls, especially single girls.. it sticks.. it develops the stereotype and it counteracts your game. 

Girls..enjoy being single, don’t feel pressured into a relationship because they say you are lonely or because everyone around you is in one. I’ll tell you this… you’re more treasured when your unavailable and that is a FACT!

A tip for the fellas

For boys that have a scandalous reputation, EXPECT her to be weary.
If you’ve got a best friend that’s a female.. EXPECT her to be on guard.
If you jam with you ‘homies’ most of the time, EXPECT her to be needy/clingy.
If you’re to secretive, EXPECT her to be intrusive.
If she is upset, EXPECT her to call YOU to rant/cry/shout. 

London Riots?

I wrote this sometime in August but forgot to post... please read and enjoy it goes hand in hand with my next post (well sorta kinda really).


Remember this people, David Starkey is a historian.


Now that that's out of the way... *peers out the window for rioters*.. Okay.. so the coast is clear.. well it has been for over 3 days.. but still... I'm paranoid. This isn't a recent thing.. I've been known for my unnecessary paranoia, however these London riots just made me feel.. LONDON ISN'T SAFE. My phone has been buzzing all week because Ealing was looted/attacked. (Which I still don't understand why.)


So aside from finally renewing my British passport in the now likely event of the a racial sweep over!


Today I am writing as a British Nigerian. (Something everyone can relate to like a cousin or neighbour)


At the risk of disclosing too much info bout myself.. (you know how the MET have eyes on everything.. like they Big Brother or something.) Here are some facts that will help you understand my position and my view.


1) I was born in London
2) I have lived in Ealing for 19 years
3) I am 20 years old
4) I went to Secondary school in Nigeria.
5) I AM in uni!


Now you understand?
Anyway... before you read on.. I need you to watch and read the following.. respectively.


WATCH: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14513517


READ: http://www.russellbrand.tv/2011/08/big-brother-isnt-watching-you/




DONE? You didn't finish did you? Or you haven't read? Oh well.. read on here then..


Basically, everyone has got something to say about these London riots. What's annoying me is how things are being said. How it's people are trying to justify them. We are in NO position whatsoever to administer justice upon anyone no matter the situation. So they say Mark Duggan (RIP) was an innocent man shot dead, it's something we'll never get the full story of. There will forever be media influence, personal re-accounts, the truth lies between the officers that shot, Mark Duggan and God. So why on earth or rather how on earth would taking (and I refuse to use stealing because to steal, you require shame, and these looters had none of that.) a pair of trainers from JD or a dress from the £5 store or smashing Wilkinsons or Blockbusters windows resolve the issue at hand? Fair enough people wanted to be heard, but London Riots of 2011 were NOT a protest, they were a group of aimless individuals who wanted in my opinion to be a part of history. They wanted to tag to the future updated history textbooks. The fact that it went viral and spread to other counties in England was also disturbing especially considering the deaths.

However, as much as all of this disturbed me, what hurt me most was David Starkey's response. You see that little video up there, that's gonna get me vexed whenever I see it. Not because its a lie or anything, but because it is full of Ignorance. I mean I console myself with the belief that David Starkey speaks as a historian. By this I mean his views are inevitably archaic. The fact that there has been a culture swing does not mean there has been a culture shift. To say the 'whites have become black' is simply derogatory to black people. For he was associating criminality with a race. This was what our grandparents did, but our society today shows us that crime is of no restriction to race. There were many other comments in his opinion that upset me but I will not dwell on them.


Lastly, Russell Brand's response. I must say he lightened up my mood with it. I found it quite hilarious however I respected his opinion. Not because he spoke of a individual of colour, no race wasn't the question in his argument. He spoke of the truth and hit the nail on the head. The issue was NOT race, it was class. Social class which was the issue and although he didn't justify the riots, he painted a clearer picture for all.Although he does lean towards the Essex fellow growing up in Dangenham and Romford.


Anyway, I can't implant beliefs or opinions on London riots in anybody's head, its left to you to conjure your own views. But what I can give you are things that will help you think smartly.

What I won't do.

Some of you may have seen this poem before... I'm just recycling to keep those who can be bothered interested.. new stuff coming soon anyway. :)

I wont chase you down the hallway
I wont beg you to call
I wont call out for you
to pick me when I fall

I wont shout if you annoy me
I wont be angry if your late
and I definitely wont cry
if you stand me up on a date

If were out and you act stupid
I will not make a scene
I will not go all moody
If you say some thing mean

I wont scream if you cheat
And I definitely wont pick a fight
I wont stare at my phone 
waiting for your "I’m sorry" call at night

So if you should ever
try any of the above
Just like it shows
I wont show you love.

EVERYONE is into photography!

Calm down now.. before you get offended and especially before you agree.. this post might just baffle you, because I don't think it's what you are expecting.

Remember how EVERYONE used to say..'EVERYONE has a blog'.. well that the thing with photography.
I see tweets on a daily sying stuff like...

'I might as well get me a Nikon and stand on third mainland and take pictures and call myself a photographer'
                                                            OR
'So now you got yourself a professional camera, you're a photographer? Oh yeah? Cool bro.!'
                                                               OR
'Every Tom, Dick and Harry is claiming photographer'

and the list goes on.

The worst thing was that I used to be one of those people. *currently kneeling down and raising up my hands* I did, but then I got a camera, it wasn't a Nikon or Canon, it was a simple Fujifilm. I'm not gonna go all spec on it because that's just harvesting humiliation, but my point is, when I ha that camera, I felt empowered... It felt something like a third eye. I could see beyond what the average human eye saw through that lense. At this time I had a tumblr, and I was bored of the same photographs being recycled and one day I saw these:

And then I thought.. well, I want to be able to take photo's like that.. so I took my camera and well.. never actually did anything. Anyway, I realised how much of an art photography was and the ability to appreciate these photo's is in itself something valuable. I see photography as a channel of expression. Whatever you capture, represents you. So now, when I hear that 'Please everyone who has a camera is a photographer line/...' I just want to kill someone I laugh because its true. EVERYONE CAN'T be a photographer, They have the ability to identify a message or something beyond the human eye. This is what distinguishes photographers from everyone else, so you can get you a Sony a290, Canon EOS1100d or whatever but your not a photographer till you make that your third eye.

Who's a photographer I here you ask?

http://feyikemia.shutterchance.com/ AND http://agbaclem.shutterchance.com

Before you say I am biased.. I only know one of these photographers.. but I'm in love with both!!!
Watch their slide shows and tell me photography is NOT an art!! (I have slap on speed dial oh)

Anyway, If my point is not clear well GET A NEW BRAIN!

LOL..
Honestly though.. I hope ypu enjoy these photos as much as I do.

Death Call.

I feel I ought to apologise for my inconsistency.. but I just realised.. nothing is consistent.!

Moving on.......

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, wanting to start again  you just want to reach out and slap some people over the net? Yeah.? Wait.. hold up.. me... I'm on your team.. whaat? Okay then (Takes off earrings, rolls ups sleeves).. oh.. we cool?

Okay, that was me being TOTALLY random.. 6 days till my 20th birthday guys!! *whoop whoop*
Anyway I have a little sumn sumn for ya'll :)

'I hate you'; she cried and he just turned his face.
She hit him so hard, but he just walked away.
Broken and hurting, she too left the scene.
The emotional downfall of a beautiful teen.

I looked at the girl, she ran up to her friends,
And within 5 minutes all confidence regained,
But I turned to the boy and saw anguish and sorrow,
So It was him, I then decided to follow.


A click on the phone, and his voice spoke out.
This poor teen lad was in pain no doubt.
'I did it' he whispered. 'I got her to leave'
But why then did he sound so unrelieved?


So tell me now doctor, now that she cried?
Do you think she'll be stronger when she's found out I've died?
Then I heard a loud scream and saw this boy fall,
And after he simply curled into a ball.

I ran back to the base and pulled her away,
She needed to see that this boy was in pain.
We hid in my spot as he cast out his tears,
And I looked at the girl, she was covered in fears.


And then she said
'I never believed when you told me your feelings,
And didn't fall when SHE followed behind.
But now it turns out I'm in love with deaths next victim
And I can't even think if I will survive.

Disgusted at my actions, I ran into the road.
And took with me three souls as I left.
For that couple was my target, but I had failed,
And thus changed destiny as death.


This poem is unedited...please give feedback!

That moment in HER head..

Then he finished off his sentence,
And I gave a little laugh..
And by the time I turned to his face,
I could see it in his eyes..
They glistened in the moonlight
I felt a tingle within,
I knew what he was thinking,
And I couldn't disagree..
Our feet were already interlocked,
It was just the distance of the table,
But even still with that aside
I was more willing over able,
And before I knew it I could feel
his hand coupled in mine,
And suddenly he leaned over,
The table which we dined.
Prepared at heart but not at mind
I leaned in for the kiss,
But as my luck has it,
It all went wrong,
And eventually we missed.

Inspired by a tweet that read  : When your having a nice convo with a girl face 2 face and suddenly there is silence then something is about to happen - by @Tobby_Onas

I don't know how to hold a pen...

When people ask so what's your hobby, I am so quick to say writing.
The other day, when someone asked me, I realised I hadn't done any writing in a long time!
Aside from me being busy and all that... I just haven't had the inspiration. 

I'm telling you this not in a search for sympathy or anything.. but because I'm hoping that as I write this something comes up in my head!

What's annoying is that I actually have soo many unfinished bits and bobs.!
I just want to seclude myself for a bit and power through without interference and present to you something that'll awe you all!

Soon enough!

Also... my BIRTHDAY is on the way!! #whoop whoop!!
10 days and counting.. actually.. I know.. how bout everyday for the next 10 days.. I give you a poem or form of writing... Yeah.. sounds cool.. hopefully I can keep up with it.!

But yeah.. Thanks for those who keep up with my blog.. I promise I haven't given up! :*

F5'ing my day!

So it's 7:50am and to you guys that's not too early, but when I've been up since 7.20 it's annoyingly early because I don't have to wake up for work till 8.15am. Well there's nothing I can do about that now anyway, I'll just have to write it off.. (pun intended).

So enough of my morning so far. You're probably wondering what I have in store for you today.. and if your not and you are just reading this.. well err... You in luck..

I actually have a couple of opinions and mind frame to share... and I feel now is the best time to write them, but it is not the best time to read them so I just though a simple poem would do.

I have thousands of reasons to smile, yet I am unhappy.
I sit on my bed in the dark, wondering when will I smile that smile.
That smile that outweighs all the pain in my heart,
That smile that illustrates joy beyond sorrow.
That smile that erases all bad thoughts in the mind.
That smile that depicts an ineffable emotion.

           * * * * * * * 

I have a thousand people to talk to, yet I feel so alone.
I sit on my bed in the dark, wondering when I'll be able to say it all.
To say things I've done and not be judged.
To say things I can't and not feel guilt.
To say things that I have keep deep inside.
To say things that will bring that smile.

           * * * * * * * 

I have a thousand words to write, yet my pen will not flow.
I sit on my bed in the dark, wondering when I’ll be able to write.
To write a poem, that will awe the world.
To write a book, that will make me known
To write a story that will sell millions of copies.
To write a script that'll top the charts
          * * * * * * *          

I just want to smile!
I just want to talk
but above all.. I just want to write.

Sorry 4 the wait!

So Last month I said I had a lot in store for you.. which was true (and still is) but what I didn't mention was that I also had a job which meant updating you guys would be almost impossible. Fortunately for moi, it is NOT so. :) Therefore... today I bring to you more updates, I'm not going to list what I've got in store, because that will lead to me not fulfilling anticipation but I will however, tell you Great things are in store! :)

Anyway, we're in a New Month and this month is EXTREMELY popular in my family.. too many birthdays, but they are yet to come.. except for my cousin's baby who is 1 today!! Happy Birthday Nifemi! :*
But yeah.. this month I have also decided to expand ToniVerse!!

WATCH THIS SPACE!

By the special grace of the Lord... I will be posting something tonight.. or a lot of things but for now.. I haven't abandoned my blog! :)

My. Interstellar. Naive. Doctrines. (M.I.N.D)

TonyTony Chopper

He was Sixteen when he came up with this album name and everything in it.. well apart from the Intro and the sampled beats, my point is that he was sixteen, and on his 17th birthday, he decided to share with the world what his M.I.N.D had conjured over the past couple of months/years and thus gave to us: http://www.mediafire.com/?7naqqpujyhvczxa - MY INTERSTELLAR NAIVE DOCTRINES (M.I.N.D)

Tony Njoku

His name is Anthony Njoku (TonyTony Chopper) and he is an artist, a rapper and well a Lad!

I've known him for quite a bit.. but not so well.. so here's an opportunity for you to know him too... :)

So here's the link AGAIN!!
http://www.mediafire.com/?7naqqpujyhvczxa And there's more coming from him soon!



This is what I classify as true talent...!!
Feedback appreciated!

I'll 'Take that' one please sir.. ;)

'You light... the skies.. up above me'It was GARY BARLOW!!!!!

I was shocked.. why did I know him? Why was I so excited? I just hummed to myself as I worked along.. but as the concert proceeded.. I found out that.. I AM A MAJOR TAKE THAT FAN!!

So basically, I work for an agency, (just for job security, coz you never know who'll read it.. I'll keep that hush hush :P) and well I was given the opportunity to wait a VIP box in Wembley stadium. The task isn't so demanding, but the hours Can be tedious. Anyway, we weren't necessarily permitted to watch the concert, but I had the sheer luck of waiting the nicest customers ever, who called me out to join them and enjoy the concert. 

The opening act was the Pet Shop Boys, and I must say although Neil Tennant has aged, his voice has not. I oddly found myself tapping and nodding to the few songs they performed, and their performance was quite energising.

But when Gary Barlow  sang those seven words.. I felt myself melting. Take that were awesome. Their vocals their props, their engagement with the audience... it was ..*searches Google for word..NO RESULT* Yeps. that's how good I found them! :P

Although Robbie Williams did steal the show a little.. however I had no problem.. he did a rendition of Destiny's child's bootylicious, while shaking his BOOTAY  for us! After about 4 of his hits, Take that rejoined him and they began to joke about Robbie leaving/being kicked out of Take That... to see that there was NO animosity whatsoever was DELIGHTFUL!!

The show then continued..!

My best song performed was NEVER FORGET!
The props for that song were AMAZING.. ABSOLUTELY STUNNING!

When the concert ended... and the audience (of 85,000) had left, I still felt tingly!

I'm a Take That fan.. nd Ill deffo Take That experience with me for as long as my memory can! :)

Dedication!

Okay.. so this post is 24 hours late... why.. Long story.. but still...

8th of July is the Birthday of my oldest friend. I'm no ttalking age wise, I'm talking how long I've known her and actually been friends with her. I'm not gonna go on and tell you about how we met and all, (Saving that and all other embarrassing stories for her 21st, Wedding and 40th). Simples. :P Anyway.. She's a real good friend and she NEVER fails to provide a laugh!! At the risk of sounding moist.. 'she's the only one who gets me' Lol.. but it's true, I might say something in reply to someone, and they wouldn't get.. but Teni... ah she's fast. The number of 'Ahhh.. Teni.. why aren't you here joh.. moments I had this year were hard.. why? Well we did go to the same educational institution for 8 years.
Anyway, as much as I'd love to go on writing.. but I'm NOT going to.!

You all need to fall in love with her in your own way.. NOT MINE! :P

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADETENIOLA ZARA KING! :*

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER - a wise man

WOOAAH!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGG!!!!
 I feel like a high school girl whose crush just asked her out on a date and she's rushing to tell all her girlfriends!.. No.. my 'crush' didn't just ask me out... but trust me.. better things happened!!!
YES!!
I have soooooo much to share with you guys... !!
There's poems pieces.
There's interviews.
There's my review on the Casey Anthony case.
There's talent introduction.
There's features.
There's my Take That experience.
There's just way tooo much!!!

Hahaha... it seems ToniVerse isn't dulling after all! :P


BUUUTTT BEFORE ANY OF THAT.. I've got a special post coming up... A DEDICATION!!!

WATCH THIS SPACE!!!!!!

Love's Imprisoned slave dog.

Put me in a jumpsuit and hand cuff me why don't you,

Or better yet throw me in that indestructible cell. 

For I'm a prisoner to your love and I can't escape!

Even though sometimes I feel, our relationship is hell!

Shove me in  torn garments, make me wear rags!
Or better yet deny me from having myself a ball.
For I'm a Cinderella to your wishes and I've no fairy-godmother,
I have no one I can run to, I have no one at all.

Place a collar and a lead around my neck and make me crawl.
Or better yet throw bones and yell fetch and make me run,
For I'm a bitch to you, you human pet dog,
I mean that's how I'm treated, and I tell you it's no fun.

But I can't escape, because there's nowhere I'd rather be.
And I'll never have a great time if I'm alone with me.

And I'm glad to obey your commands, it makes us a great we.
But out of I love I will fall, with you eventually.

Planking...

This is a photo of me planking.!

No photo right?
Why .. because I don't know how to and even if I did, I think I'd look stupid, like a lot of people who 'PLANK' do.
Anyway, I'm not gonna dwell on my views of planking, simply because,  to be frank, I don't give a toss.. but It's the reaction planking is getting that's amusing me.
First of, I never realised planking was called planking until recently, I mean I've seen people do it and thought.. ;'Well check this weirdo out' and all. However, recently there has been a sudden craze for the 'activity', and well everyone is on it so I decided to google.. 'planking'.. like I always do with the unfamiliar, and BAM! it was there! Planking.. If you don't know what it is yet.. I suggest you do what I did and also check images too.

I personally don't mind the whole planking talk, but what getting to me are the people that are making it a big deal. Saying things like 'It's stupid, plankers are wankers or bullpooh like that. We all have our Childish things which please us so why fret when a grown man decides to plank. He didn't stop you from living your life? He didn't take anything from you so why so bothered?
A lot of plankers' are reading this and are nodding their heads, 'Eh heen' I hear you say?? Hold it!
Pause right there.. I may be defending you guys.. but I want you guys to view the act that you are defending? These guys have a point.. Planking IS actually stupid, plus, you have to admit... the hype surrounding it is NOT worth it. However, its a fad, it'll come and go and one day we'll all look back and say 'Who remembers planking.. and then it'll start all over again'.
So to those who have decided to become bitter about the act of planking.. Loosen you life belt and live small life. And for those plankers.. I actually have no words for you.

Poem coming soon be.. be sure to return!

Ooooosseee!
:* :*

Withdrawal symptoms.

You know addicts get withdrawal symptoms when they suddenly stop whatever it is they are addicted to, well I've kinda started getting that in terms of writing.

I get into moods which are undefinable, I feel the need to compensate my lack of writing with talk and therefore become the biggest chatterbox, music & food both lose their appeal, I get headaches, my vision gets blurry, I feel faint, I pass out.. Lol. Okay maybe (emphasis on MAYBE) the last four symptoms were a bit OTT, but still I find that after I haven't written in a while a few of these things happen to me. 

Anyway, enough about that, I'm hoping that as I write this I'll get out of this mood I'm in.. cause I have so much to write, I do.. especially poems but other stuff too.

I also embarked on a little summer project which I will enlighten all on later during summer (Fingers crossed that I remember).
Anyway, I actually do feel much much better now.! :)
So writing is the remedy to my moods I guess.

I shall be posting more things this week.. hopefully a poem in the next 2 - 24 hours. :)

Thanks for reading this btw.

There's no such thing as writers block.

I feel I'm on a roll.. Two posts in less than 24 hours?

Wow.. I really rate people that put posts up daily.. even if it's just pictures... it kind of keeps an audience, but then I'm all for suspense when it comes to blogging.
 Anyway.. today's post says:

'There's no such thing as writer's block.' I don't believe that statement. But I do believe that writers block is caused by ones self. You alone are the block, nothing else. I mean the number of times I haven't been able to write simply because I have been withdrawing myself from expressing my emotions in fear of appearing weak and vulnerable, is ridiculous. But then I also found out some more stuff.. 

1. Never stick to writing rules. If your a poet, you don't have to rhyme. If you're narrating an experience/ranting, punctuation has no business. If your criticising, its the point that matters. If you're writing a formal letter or an article for a newspaper, then YES there are rules for language and structure, but don't let these rules demean the essence of your work.
2. There is always a time or even times of the day your write best. It may be after a meal, before you go to bed, as soon as you wake up find it and use it.. trust me, your work will be at its best.
3. There is always a condition you are in when you write your best. I love writing when I'm extremely emotional. The emotion associated with my best pieces, is probably anger. I can't write when I'm full on food. Even still, I have to have music.. whatever my mood.
4. There is that place where you write the most or your ideas come up. For me, I conjure most of my ideas on the underground. It's like my incubator, then whenever I get to a computer I splat it out. When I'm on the bus, I do get ideas as well, but mainly tube. For other people it's in the park, mall, church, lesson, in bed. Wherever you find yourself most productive/innovative be sure to at least write a bit of every piece there. It enhances my opinion.
5. Get into the habit of writing whenever, wherever on whatever. I always use my phone, compose a PIN and never send.. when I get home I finish it off. I had a notebook, but people always wanted to know what was inside, so I resorted to my phone.. (An advantage of a blackberry, people assume you are actually talking to someone). Anyway do this, and you'll always have a piece to finish off. 
6. Don't let anyone tell you you are not a writer.  Doubting your ability to attract an audience is a major block. If you feel your last post wasn't a hit take off that hit counter. You don't need to know how many people visit your site. 

I don't know how far some of you intend on taking writing, but I know some people out there want to write a book. I chose not to share my dream (mainly because its still in incubation stage.) However, I do feel that writers should be encouraged and when they feel they have a writers block, just put a pen to paper and move (or in my case fingers to the keypad). You are your own limitations, once you overcome yourself, no one can overcome you. 

By the way.. the above six 'rules' will each have their own post.. Coming soon... 

Past won't hurt!

Writer's block is an evil thing, and I know I once said it didn't exist, but I'm starting to think otherwise.
I've been trying to write something to you guys, I have and except all the time that I've been busy, I still haven't come up with anything! :(
I'm not saying what I have for you today is great, but It's better than nothing.

I not gonna place the blame elsewhere,
I'll accept it was all my doing!
But when you use my past to judge my present,
To say you're a better person, who are you fooling.

You're equally as bad, to haunt someone,
with their past of which they are ashamed
And you become worse when you resort to blackmail,
Making the person feel they can never be reclaimed.

You may think operating this way,
Will give you the upper hand.
But in my eyes you're a failure,
Which is what you're yet to understand.

So go on and bully me,
Threaten me with my past.
I still won't submit to your wishes,
or be mentally harassed! 

Again.. it's nothing personal.
Hope you enjoyed.. feel free to spread.

Make-Up smiles.

This is a continuation of my last post. You may find it rather contradictory but bear with me I'm making a point.

Smiles are the biggest lies we never tell. We simply smile and all questions probing into our private life our avoided. So why am I telling you this? 

A smile is the physical equivalent to make-up. We use to to hide discolouration, smooth out rough patches simply hide the 'UGLY' truth. Except with a smile, no one except it's owner knows its genuineness, unlike with make up where anyone can see the real thing.

The other day, I heard a girl on the bus say 'I wish I had a normal life'. I sat there thinking.. 'What is a normal life?' Then it hit me..(On the head as well) No such thing exists. We so often mistake the smiles of our neighbours and friends for their happiness and begin to want their life. Although none of us will admit this to them or anyone else for that matter, and even worse ourselves, it is true. We automatically assume that the smile they were means all is perfect. But we are wrong. A smile is a deceptive tool. We don't know what their hiding. I mean your wrong to think a celebrity has a 'normal' or even 'perfect' life.. because both don't exist. Your neighbour may be going through financial issues, yet they smile and say morning every day. Your 'friend' may be failing in all areas. You're colleague may be going through a relationship problem. Divorce, Family Problems, Deaths.. we don't like to discuss these things, so we just get up in the morning and put on a smile.. 

It helps us get through the day and make everything appear 'normal'

Even though smiles create the illusion of happiness, lets try and remember, that it's not a normal thing. 

You're never fully dressed without a...

*SMILE*

I live in London.. one of the busiest and most popular cities in the world. I have done so for nearly 20 years.. (give or take the six I spent in Nigeria), and I have never felt welcome... weird right? You know why? Because people don't smile.

You know when you go to someone's house and they open the door. If they don't  smile you instantly feel that your presence is not valued. You spend your whole time there on edge, that's if you don't try to leave as stylishly yet quickly as possible. Anyway, that's how I feel in London. Nobody smiles. I noticed this bitter attitude when I was younger and my siblings and I used to play 'sweet or sour', some of you may know this game, some might not. Basically the whole point is to smile at the person in the care beside you.. If they are smile back, they are sweet and you give them a thumbs up. If they don't reply, then they sour and it's thumbs down for them. Playing this game, we rarely ever gave a thumbs up.. why because people never smiled.

It really doesn't take much out of you to smile people. It makes you look good and feel good, you've got nothing to loose. You might not know how your smile will brighten up someone else's day!

Old Loner

Her pillow was more than a ball of fluff,
He pillow was her, when nights got rough,
Her pillow assisted in keeping her tough,
Her pillow was her only friend.

Her sofa was more than a leather stand
Her sofa could literally hold her hand
Her sofa was all that could understand
Her sofa was her only friend

Her kitchen was more than a room full of food
Her kitchen, the only one who understood her mood,
Her kitchen was her very own neighbourhood,
Her kitchen was her only friend.

She put a smile on and tried to pretend,
To the kitchen, the sofa her pillow those friends,
That she wasn't lonely, It wasn't the end.
But she knew she was lying.

Love-Life

'I hate my life' & 'FML'. These are two statements I HATE!! I think every time someone uses them, they deserve a slap from God. Has he slapped you with Cancer? Has he slapped you with Poverty? Has he slapped you with a £1bn debt? So what do you have to hate about your life?

Let me tell you three stories, one is made up, one is over exaggerated and the other is pure truth (in no particular order though) :

Story one
There is this lady who has been happily married to her husband for 13 years. Now I know that may not seem like a long time for you, but it seems like eternity when your marriage is all you can speak for. Her parents are dead, so she could only ever lean on her husbands parents. With their good natured hearts, they cared for her like their own daughter even though she is unable to give them a grandchild. Unfortunately her mother-in-law died a couple of months ago. Herself and her husband aren't the richest and I know she had to borrow money to buy her ticket to Nigeria for the burial. On her arrival, she had to increase her shifts in order to pay back, bearing in mind she is simply an NHS nurse, so her pay isn't fantastic. A couple weeks after her return  from the burial, her sister was diagnosed with cancer. within a week, her sister died. As you can imagine.. it was off to Nigeria.. Again. Yet every Sunday she bears a smile in the House of God. Do you think it easy for this woman to watch as her peers bring their offspring to church, as they brag about the success of their kids, as they celebrate the 70th birthday of a parent or as they announce a siblings engagement? No, its hard, yet FML or I Hate my life have never come out of her mouth.

Story two
Mary* is a 16 year old orphan. She was lucky to be taken into care buy a wonderful family at the age of four. However, when her foster mother died, things changed. Her foster Dad started drinking. He was in pain and that was how he dealt with it. She was only 12, but things had taken a turn. Her foster Dad began to hate her. One day he said to her.. 'You were her idea. you were just a replacement, you not my blood. I have no reason to care for you.' Mary knew she had no where to go so she endured the negligence. By the time Mary turned 14 she had suffered all sorts of abuse, sexual, physical and emotional. She knew she had to leave so she did. She returned to the home she was originally grew up in and they took her back. Months later she was diagnosed with HIV. She's only ever had sex with one person. Mary can never have kids. Mary may never enjoy sex. Mary is feared by the uneducated. Yet Mary has the warmest smile in the building and hates the term FML.

Story three
There is a girl who has it all. Wonderful family, wonderful boyfriend, standard University, standard job. This is how it appears on the outside. On the inside, her parents fight everyday. They resent each other, they only ever take their anger on each other out on her, in whichever way fits them. In comparison to her siblings, she is a failure. With her older sister a graduate from medical school and her younger brother on scholarship she attends a simple university studying a common course. Her boyfriend seems fine except he is never satisfied. Content with what he does for her, she strives to impress him. She may have a job, but that's to pay off the bills her parents ignore, or to buy things to avoid fights or to impress her boyfriend, but even still no one is satisfied with her job. As for friends, she has a lot who she cares for. However, hardly any care for her. Frequent when in need, yet out of sight when needed. As for her best friend, she's convinced she's sleeping with her boyfriend.. if not then they are sexting. Her family is in debt so she is constantly cash strapped and when she isn't she has little to spend on considering the attempted social life is restricted by her over protective father's rules. To top it all off, she is pregnant at 18, but her smile will light up the room and her absence will cause heartache. 

You see, this is why I hate it. These three people are ALL worse off than me yet they can't use those statements. Yes they may all be girls, but guys have their go too. I mean, you're not impotent, you're not in capable of finding a girl. So why use 'fml' when you haven't done your coursework in time? Why hate your life because you finish your exams one week after everyone else? We really need to stop this and appreciate what we have in front of us, because some people would kill to have it, and if you hate your life, they may as well kill you! Be content and lets get rid of these stupid statements.. trust me, it helps in total happiness. I'm not the words most content character, and I know I can complain, but I HAVE NEVER, CAN NEVER and WILL NEVER use the terms 'I hate my life' or 'FML' and neither should you.

Hold your head high.

Do not stand at my grave and weep; For I am not there I do not sleep. 

 Mary Elizabeth Frye's Poem is probably one of the most common poems read at a funeral... why.. because it is so beautiful. It helps us to remember the strength the deceased individual possessed. It helps us gather strength when we think about their departing. Not a lot of people pay attention to the words of such poems, but I do. I didn't say it will dry tears, I didn't say it will replace them, but it will help.
Anyway, I read the poem every now and then because it's so close to my heart and yesterday when I read it, I decided to write my own. The problem was I couldn't. Not that I couldn't think of any words, but simply because I couldn't find the strength within me to write it. And then this came:

I am not strong, yet I bear a smile,
I am not weak, yet I cry
I do not bear the bravest front,
Yet I hold my head high when others die.


I'm cut deep within, I burn in pain,
My wounds are invisible to the human eye,
I wear spiritual plasters and carry on
I hold my head high when others die.

I think the thoughts of positivity,
I cannot promise I will not cry
I'll try my best to hold others up,
I'll hold my head high when others die.

I'll take control and weep in silence
I'll provide tissues for when friends cry,
I'll feed the family and inform friends
My head will be held high when others die.

But for me I will accept, behaviour of no such.
For my absence is no reason to cry.
We'll see each other soon one day
Please hold your head high, the day I die.

Being sick...

Headache, Stomach ache, no taste, fatigue .. the list goes on.
Every year, I fall sick at least 3 times. There has only been one year in which I've not fallen sick.. and that was 2008. Every other year I've fall ill. This year I've been to hospital 3 times, I've missed about 2 weeks of Uni and I've spent more than 15 hours in bed at a go more than 5 times. I'm not a sickle cell, but there was a time in my life that people thought I was. I remember in year 7, I used to fall sick all the time. Teachers thought I used to fake it because I hadn't done my homework, 'Seniors' used to think I was lying in order to avoid being sent on errands, Classmates used to think I just wanted to sleep in the sick bay (medical room), but I was always sick. The annoying thing, I hate being sick.
One reason I hate being sick is because I used to LOVE food, but being sick means I loose my appetite, and with this constant loss of appetite, I began to stop liking food. There was this one summer, my mum managed to make me add a lot of weight, but ever since then, I haven't eaten so much. I enjoy cooking, but I hate eating and this is all as a result of being sick.
Another thing I hate about being sick is medicine. I hate medicine. I'd rather an injection over medicine and I'm not necessarily a fan of needles, but medicine is such a drag. I never had an issue with medicine originally, but whenever I was sick, I used to have to take 10 - 20 tablets 3 times a day. They used to get stuck in my throat, the taste was horrible and I always felt worse after.
No one ever understood these things, and people still don't. I remember in year 8, this boy used to call me sickie. The name stung. So I fought it off, I was determined never to fall sick...but it seems I can't control it.
I'm not seeking pity or anything, but I'm simply raising awareness. When people are sick, they aren't having fun. Don't make assumptions that they are lying, don't make them feel bad that they are sick and don't assume they are having fun.
I hate being sick....

Welcome to ToniVerse

Welcome to the danger zone, Step into the fantasy...You are now invited to the other side of Sanity..... ToniVerse!!
Okay, so I just stole Kanye West's line.. sue me!
For a number of you.. this is not the first time you've been to ToniVerse: http://toniverseacs.tumblr.com/ 

So why have I created another one you ask? No, I'm not trying to saturate the blog world with ToniVerse on every possible blog site, don't worry.. I simply want a direct focus. 

When I first started the blog, which took a couple of months, person that helped me out asked me.. What would your blog be centred on though? I replied: i 'm not too sure what it'll be centred on, I have a variety of interests, poetry,Movies, music,adverts life in general etc.

'The idea was along the lines of ' Toniverse' which would be a little mindplay. Poetry is your thing so the verse thing and it would also be like things from your own perspective. Your Universe ish. '  AND '"A complex simplicity"....

I like the whole Irony in it... but then it doesn't give you much expectations... and if someone says they don't understand what my blog is about...well.. the topics are simple...it's just complex trying to relate them!'

After much deliberation, we came up with ...  So the blog needs no further explaining, as everything you need to know is here. 

What did I do with my old blog you ask.. well find out yourself: http://toniverseacs.tumblr.com/