Chronicles of an IJGB: How NOT to NYSC

Dear friends, family, fellow IJGB men/women, incoming IJGB and general blog readers,

(If I missed out your category, call me out o)

 As I take before you (I'm not even sure that makes sense), it is with a heavy heart I tell you, NYSC might've won this battle. I've done it all wrong. 

 I'm not about to confess my sins... but here's some tips on how NOT to do NYSC and the possible consequences: 

1. ALWAYS DO YOUR CLEARANCE.

    Clearance has always been compulsory. As with the rest of NYSC stuff. However, it's easy to grow tired of CDS, Clearance and your Local Government in general. So for the first time ever, I 'skipped' a clearance. Thing is, I made the effort to do mine. I ALWAYS had the letter. But this one time, I just physically could not. Like I woke up in bed and just lay there! My head was pounding... so I called my LGI, and she didn't pick, so I sent a text, no response. The next week, someone from my Local Government was calling my phone... 'Hello Franca...', if you don't know, that's my mum's name. THEY WERE CALLING TO SNITCH!!!! 

I wore my Khaki so quick and ran there... why would you want to sniiittcchh?? There was a cost to this. Also, seeing as clearance period had passed, I was also served with a query. You NEVER EVER want any of these. But this was actually a decoy, to make me sweat. Because I GOT that alert still. Which should be a testimony, but understand this, nothing goes for free. Basically my LGI did my clearance for me. So now I 'owe her a share of my allowee'

2. DON'T BEFRIEND THE STAFF

   This is an off one, possibly hypocritical in that I probably was an advocate of befriending the staff. This was a BAD move. They begin to notice you, when you're there and even worse WHEN YOU'RE NOT. So the moment you're not, they've covered for your ass, and you have to 'pay'. Just do the needful: greet, sign, clear, go. Don't engage in any exchange of your life story. 

3. ALWAYS GET YOUR CARD SIGNED!

    Through befriending one of the staff, I somehow left my CD card with her. Every week, she'd say 'don;t worry, it'll be signed.' STOOORRIIEESSS!! If I'm to attach a photo of my CD card now, you'll think I started NYSC in Nov and took a break. They won't sign it. And when you NEED it to be signed, guess what... you have to pay!!!!

4. DO NOT TRAVEL!

   This one is DEFINITELY hypocritical because I did. HOWEVER, I learnt the hard way... Even though I did clearance... I missed General CDS... Which shouldn't be that big a deal compared to the other CDS', but it was and to calm the issue down, yes yes,,, I had to pay.

5. DO NOT SPEAK VERNACULAR

  (Is that how you even spell it). Don't let them know that you understand/speak any language (especially as a foreign student). Just play innocent and calm. Many times, the unwarranted opinions of randoms in the LG have been given with regards to my situation, and they haven't been pleasant, but they've been in yoruba. This is where you get to hold something against them. Just don't crack before passing out. Then you'll have to pay.

6. WEAR THE RIGHT UNIFORM

  I think I told you guys about the girl who wore an Hermes belt with her Khaki right? Yeah, she had to pay to get that back. Just comply with the rules... it saves you money.

Currently I have a bill of almost N10,000. Don't ask. In all fairness.. N3,000 of it is presumably legit. However, I pass out in a month today and well... How am I supposed to find N10,000? If you know... please...

- Your favourite IJGB

xx